I’m 18 weeks along and still waiting to find out if I’m having a boy or a girl. Still hoping for a boy, however Travis really wants a girl. I understand knowing he makes such cute girls. Now I’m starting to ask myself a lot of questions, questions that I know I’m the only one who can answer. But, how do you find the courage to look deep enough inside your self to answer?
Questions like…
Am I ready for this?
I know that no matter what this baby is coming, but am I truly ready? Should I look into my options more? I don’t have any doubt in my mind that both of his or her parents will be there for he or she no matter what but Will I be good enough?
Am I ok with having a baby without being married?
Growing up you’re always told that you’ll get married and have kids. However, it seems like it’s more common now days to have kids and then get married. Being married once and going through a divorce I know how easier it is without kids involved if it comes to that, but I can’t help but wonder. Maybe its just engraved in my brain to do things the other way.
Would adoption be better for my child?
Even though I feel in my heart that Travis and I as parents will do every thing in our power to give our child the very best we can. I can’t help but wonder if there’s a better life out there for him or her. How do I make this choice? How do I bring my feelings up to the person I love when I know that he is so excited to have a child that he gets to keep?
Just because a child is in the mix now does it always have to end with marriage?
I’m the kind of person who would rather be alone for the rest of my life then to ever go through another divorce especially when a child is involved. Am I making the right choice?
I’m so scared and feel like I have no where to turn for these answers.
On a more positive note we have picked out a boys name. However, we’re still debating between girls names. But, in a few more weeks we’ll be able to hopefully pick one.
I wish that all these choices were all just a little easier to make and find the answers for.
No one is ever completely ready to have a baby and I think that every parent to be wonders if they will be good enough.
ReplyDeleteI don't see anything wrong with having a baby before your married. Society, especially in Utah County, says its wrong so yes, it probably is engraved in your brain to think that way. Married or not, you both plan on being there and being part of the life of your baby. If in the future you both decide that you want to get married, great! Now you will have a flower girl or a ring barer ;)
I'm not sure I can help on the adoption one. You know that I want kids more than anything in this world so I can't even imagine wanting to give one up for adoption. However, I think that if you truly feel that you will both do everything you can to give your child the very best then adoption shouldn't even be a question.
Having a baby does not always equal getting married, or at least it shouldn't have to. Yes, I think that having a mom and a dad is best for a child but I don't think that that mom and dad have to be married to make things work. If and when you are both ready for marriage then great but until then, I think you're fine.
Having a baby is a scary thing but I think it's also an exciting thing. I think you've been telling yourself for so long that you don't want kids that you're having a hard time wrapping your head around it.
You know how I feel about people who have kids that don't even want them so when I hear those kinds of words its hard for me to keep myself from reaching out and smacking the person that says it. But, you also know that I am here for you and I will do what I can to help you through it and I know Tammy is right there with me.
I think you have a hell of a lot more support than you might realize. I won't hide the fact that there will be times where it is hard on me to see you getting to become a Mommy (and everyone else I know who is currently pregnant) but I still love you and I'm still here for you. Hell, if I was mad at you for being pregnant, I should as hell wouldn't be helping to throw one of your baby showers ;)
I will also admit that I may not always agree with how you choose to raise the baby but I have faith in you and I know you will make the right choices. I still think that the further along you get in your pregnancy and when you find out for sure what sex it is, the more excited you will be about it.
And now... I think I'm gonna stop typing for fear that I might be rambling. Just keep in mind that I don't always word things the right way but I love and support you and I am here for you!